Void

I'm missing impact, I lack feeling. I was just now accepted into my first choice college, Pennsylvania College of Art & Design, but I don't feel anything. When I was accepted into my second choice, The University of the Arts, I didn't feel anything. It's like after the process of applying was done with, the outcome didn't matter anymore. It was either was or wasn't, and if it was then that would be nice. Yay me... Maybe I wont be happy until I actually go somewhere... Or maybe I'm not happy because I was actually accepted... I'm scared, college is scary. This is like the first time my mother took me to my first grade class and just said she was gonna ditch me, I cried and tried to cling to her. I didn't want to be left alone, but in the end I was and nothing got better. I just cried. College is like a bigger form of that. Instead of leaving me in a classroom to only be coming to pick me up later on, I gonna be dropped off and forgotten, never to be picked up again. And I'll be alone, I'm not good at making friends.But of course, when I get somewhere, I'll just have to deal with it. I have to grow up, I suppose...
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Back to me getting into my first choice. It doesn't really matter if you get into a college if you can't go... I didn't see anything about a scholarship in there(hopefully they send some grants or something later on). But yeah, my mom's choosing my college's on how much money they offer(cuz we're poor), it's understandable. I WANT to go to PCAD, but I can't if they don't offer any money... I WANT to go to PCAD, but I can't if they don't offer any money... I have never been able to go to the school I've wanted to ever since Middle School. I was always rejected, never good enough; this isn't any different really. No money, no go. NO GO, not different at all. There's is no point of acceptance if you can't go, and being accepted and not being able to go is so much harder. Being rejected is easy, you know your worthless. But when your accepted and you just can't go, you get mixed feelings and mixed feelings kill people. I want a solid feeling, I WANT TO GO. I just hope they send some grants or scholarships later. I pray, and I don't even pray.